Self-Centered

Have you seen those little books that say, “You might be a redneck
if…”? Well, I’ve put together a little list for us here, just to check us
out.

You may have a “me” addiction if you have, let’s say in the last
six months:
• pulled into a parking space ahead of the retired guy in the white
Buick with the Michigan license plate who had been waiting with his turn signal
on while the other car pulled out;

• kept the bedroom TV going to see the end of
the football game when your wife was trying to sleep off a headache or had to
go to work early in the morning;

• sneaked into the express check-out lane with
more than 10 items;

• emptied the last scoop of ice cream, finished the last
piece of pecan pie, or sneaked away with the last chocolate chip cookie in the
jar;

• pretended that you didn’t notice that the sink was piled full of dirty
dishes so that your spouse or roommate would put them in the dishwasher;

• refused to tell your parents about the call that came in on call waiting before
you dialed another number;

• passed on that dirty little rumor about the girl
next door while pretending to be her friend;

• accepted credit from your boss for
a job you knew someone else had done;

• given your wife a birthday gift that you
knew was something you really wanted;

• felt a sigh of relief in knowing that you
weren’t as poorly dressed, ill-mannered, unimportant, unintelligent, or just plain
tacky as all the self-centered sinners who are sitting around you this morning.

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Illustration by: James A. Harnish, Hyde Park United Methodist Church, Tampa, FL

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