These are actual comments made by police officers taken from their car videos:
“You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through.”
“Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while.”
“If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document.”
“If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.”
“Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you.”
“Warning! You want a warning? OK, I'm warning you not to do that again, or I'll give you another ticket.”
“The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk…Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”
“Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”
“You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here.” (from Mikey’s Funnies)