?On Jan. 20, the nation will inaugurate a new president. It’s an amazing process-to see one government peacefully step aside and be replaced by another one. From the time the outgoing president leaves the White House to the time the new first family arrives, all the personal belongings of the former occupants will have been whisked away, and the belongings of the new residents will be in place. (I can hardly imagine what that’s like-we moved last June, and I still have boxes to unpack.)
Since the election results were announced the night of Nov. 4, the official transition process has been underway. Appointments to staff positions have been made, potential cabinet members studied, committees staffed, and on and on it goes. Yet one position has yet to be filled as of the writing of these words: the president’s pastor.
You may not have heard-given that it got so little attention-but the president-elect and his family left their Chicago church last year and are looking for a new one. Given all the other transitions taking place, perhaps the president needs to submit this important search to the same rigorous evaluation process now going into the selection of a Deputy Assistant Undersecretary for Fruitfly Research. (By the way, that position has already been filled, so don’t bother to send an application.)
Given the important nature of the position of presidential pastor, I have gone to the trouble to develop a questionnaire which could be used for potential applicants. (No need to thank me personally, Mr. President. An appointment to some presidential commission that meets in Bermuda will suffice.) Among the questions:
• Are audio or video recordings of your past sermons available? (If no, continue to question 2; if yes, don’t call us, we’ll
call you.)
• In your sermons, do you make reference to political or cultural topics? (If no, continue to question 3; if yes, we encourage you to apply for the position as Alaska’s new chaplain to the governor’s office.)
• Do you preach sermons longer than 30 minutes? (If no, continue to question 4; if yes, please refer to accompanying
document, “Services Conclude Before NFL Kickoff.”)
• Is your church currently operating within its annual budget? (If yes, would you be interested in a position as Secretary of the Treasury?)
If you think you have what it takes to preach for the presidential family, send along your application. A little insecure about it? Just keep repeating, “Yes we can!”
And remember, it’s a way to carve out your own little niche in history-or at least on Fox News.
