Proverbs from Fourth Graders

A 4th grade teacher collected well-known proverbs. She gave each child in the class the first half of the proverb, and asked them to come up with the rest.Here is what they came up with:   Better to be safe than punch a 5th grader Strike while the bug is close. It's always darkest before da

Signs your SUV is too big

• When you replaced your tires, Goodyear stock went up five dollars a share for the quarter. • Your garage is larger than your house. • Your kids refer to riding the bus to school as "downsizing." • Before go you out, you have to file for a parade permit. • It has i

Classifiied Ads That Needing Proofing

Here are some classified ads that appeared in newspapers - but perhaps could have used a bit more proofreading: 2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, Perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess. Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family. Dinner Special - Turkey $2.

What happens at these Fahrenheit temperatures…

What happens at these Fahrenheit temperatures: +65 - Hawaiians declare a two-blanket night. +60 - Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one). +50 - Miami residents turn on the heat. +45 - Vermont residents go to outdoor concerts. +40 - You can see your breath. Californians shiver unc

Toy Disclaimers

With toys on our minds, here are some disclaimers to be found at a toy department near you: * No beanies or babies harmed in the manufacture of this product. * Warning: This fad will disappear in 6 weeks. * Caution: Care Bears do not actually care very much. * Warning: This toy produces subst

All Time Dumbest Questions Asked by Banff Park tourists

(as heard at the information kiosks manned by Parks Canada staff): 1. How do the elk know they're supposed to cross at the "Elk Crossing" signs? 2. At what elevation does an elk become a moose? 3. Are the bears with collars tame? 4. Is there anywhere I can see the bears pose? 5. Is it okay to k

From the vast wisdom of Larry the cable guy . . .

1. A day without sunshine is like night.2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. 7. Depre

Don’t talk, just play

Here are some quotes from athletes and coaches that might have been better left unsaid: * New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season..."I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first." * "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a