Sermon Illustrations

- You've ever lied to the choir director about how good the cantata sounded. - Your wife has amassed a huge collection of unsolicited casserole recipes....

One Sunday during the evening service someone noticed their child entering zestfully into the singing of the chorus, "Soon and very soon /we are going to see the King..." Listening closer to their five year old they heard the words, "Soon and very soon / we are going to Burger King."

Q: How many Southern Baptists does it take to change a lightbulb? A: About 16 million. However, they are badly divided over whether changing the bulb is a fundamental need or not. Q: How many campfire vesper leaders does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Only one. But very soon all those around can warm up in its glowing....

1. You believe you're supposed to take a covered dish to heaven when you die. 2. You have never sung the third verse of any hymn...

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking our of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked...

If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter? If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from? Why do they put Braille on the number pads of drive-through bank machines?...

A Texas rancher bought 10 ranches and put them together to form one giant spread. His friend asked him the name of his new mega-ranch. He replied, "It's called The Circle Q, Rambling Brook, Double Bar, Broken Circle, Crooked Creek, Golden Horseshoe, Lazy B, Bent Arrow, Sleepy T, Triple O Ranch." "Wow," said his friend, "I bet...

A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police. Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.

Top Ten Things People Won't Say When They See the Christian Bumper Sticker or More Subtle Fish Symbol On Your Car: 10. "Look! Let's stop that car and ask those folks how we can become Christians." 9. "Don't worry, Billy, those people are Christians -- they must have a good reason for driving 90 miles an hour."...

In the mid-nineteenth century Charles Deems was a Methodist minister concerned about the unchurched in New York City. He persuaded Commodore Vanderbilt to underwrite the effort. Vanderbilt bought Deems a church building for $50,000. That was a lot of money at that time. Vanderbilt deeded the church to Deems so that...