Sermon Illustrations

Bob was telling his friend that he and his wife had a serious argument the night before. "But it ended," Bob said, "when she came crawling to me on her hands and knees."

The famous actor Gregory Peck once was standing in line with a friend, waiting for a table in a crowded Los Angeles restaurant. They had been waiting for some time; the diners seemed to be taking their time eating, and new tables weren't opening up very fast.

Stanford Research Institute was studying the differences in vocational perceptions. They devised a short but succinct test. The first to be tested was an engineer. The researchers asked him: "What does two plus two make?" The engineer simply said, "In absolute terms: four."

Besides the Bible's Valley of Megiddo, the most famous valley in literature is surely Alfred, Lord Tennyson's valley of death in his poem "The Charge of the Light Brigade," written to commemorate the suicidal charge by British forces in the Battle of Balaclava in the Crimean War (1854-1856): "Into the valley of Death rode the six hundred. Cannon to right of them, cannon to left of them, cannon in front of them, volley'd and thunder'd."

Three mothers were sitting on a park bench talking about how much their sons love them. Sadie said, "You know the Chagall painting hanging in my living room? My son, Arnold, bought that for me for my 75th birthday. What a good boy he is and how much he loves his mother."

As a group of amateur climbers scaled part of the Matterhorn near Zermatt, Switzerland, a vicious gust of wind came along at a narrow ledge.

A college professor met his new class on the first day of school. He stood before the studentsand gave a nice introduction to the class and about himself.

Forty-four percent of Americans ages 20 to 69 believe marriage is not necessary in order to have a committed, fulfilling, life-long relationship, reports a Zogby/AOL poll. Marriage Savers' president Mike McManus finds the number shocking. He says, "People who are married live longer, they're healthier, they're happier; they're wealthier. A man who's single, for whatever reason, will live 10 years less than a married man; a woman, about four years less."

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense's closing statement, the lawyer, knowing his client probably would be convicted, resorted to a trick.

A man applied for a job as a handyman. The prospective employer asked, "Can you do carpentry?" The man answered in the negative. "How about bricklaying?" Again the man answered, "No." The employer asked, "Well, what about electrical work?" The man said, "No, I don't know anything about that either."